Alternative Reality
Marketing Events
When mysterious forces upon these lakes create chaotic, highly entertaining, and streamable events. The crew of the BSS Kittie bears witness. You can too.
What Are Alternative Reality Marketing Events?
The crew of the BSS Kittie spends a great deal of time on the lakes. Sometimes, things happen. Strange things. Chaotic things. Things that nobody can explain, but everyone wants to watch.
These are not planned events. They are not on any calendar. They are announced on social media exactly one hour before they begin — because that is how long it takes the crew to realize something genuinely bizarre is unfolding and grab a camera. These events are not planned to be dangerous. In fact, no planning went into them whatsoever.
"We do not create the chaos. The lake provides. Then we add fireworks and rum until someone rolls a twenty. Sometimes we forget where we put the dice." — Captain Valaar
Join In Person
You can show up on the lake. Bring a vessel, a float, or sufficient bravery. The crew does not guarantee your safety, comfort, or sanity. They do guarantee you will witness something you cannot explain to your coworkers the next day.
- No reservation possible — events materialize without warning
- 1-hour social media notice is all you get
- Free to attend (bring your own crackers for morale)
Disclaimer
The crew is not responsible for any existential dread, spontaneous philosophical crises, or sudden career changes that may result from direct exposure to something this awesome.
Watch the Stream
Not everyone can drop everything and race to a lake with one hour's notice. The crew understands. That is why every Alternative Reality Marketing Event is streamed live, usually from a single shaky phone mounted on a rum barrel.
- Live chat is active and deeply unhelpful
- Chat moderators are just more crew members with rum
- VODs remain online because nobody knows how to delete them
Quality Notice
Video quality is directly proportional to how panicked the crew member holding the phone is. High panic = shaky but authentic footage. Low panic = stable but suspiciously calm.
The One-Hour Rule
All Alternative Reality Marketing Events are announced on social media exactly one hour before they begin. Not two hours. Not thirty minutes. One hour. This is the sweet spot between "enough time to grab a jacket" and "not enough time for the Coast Guard to mobilize."
Chronicle of the Unplanned
A record of Alternative Reality Marketing Events that have already unfolded. The lake remembers. So does the internet. For the classified cryptid archives, see Cryptid Chronicles.
The Hubby Sighting
In the dead of summer 2022, the crew first spotted Hubby, the ancient sea demon that has slumbered below Lake Ray Hubbard since prehistoric times. The vessel's depth finder registered a mass roughly the size of a municipal bus moving beneath the hull at 3 AM. Sonar captured what the Captain described as 'either a Mesozoic nightmare or a very ambitious catfish.' The crew may or may not be currently contracted by NORA to investigate how a prehistoric beast can live in a lake that is only 50 years old. Their check cleared. That is all that matters.
The Great Fog Bank of '23
A sudden wall of green mist consumed the entire southern basin. Visibility dropped to zero. The crew filmed a 47-minute stream of blindly firing water cannons at what they insisted was "a rival flotilla." It was three kayakers. 12,000 concurrent viewers.
The Phantom Regatta
During a routine sunset cruise, the BSS Kittie was overtaken by what can only be described as a spectral fleet of competing vessels. Cell footage revealed these were empty pedal boats left untethered by a rental shop. The crew narrated a full naval battle with dramatic commentary. Legendary stream.
The Bioluminescence Incident
A rare algae bloom turned the lake into a glowing turquoise cauldron at 2 AM. The crew scrambled a live stream with a title card reading "WE HAVE OPENED A PORTAL." The chat went insane. Scientists later confirmed it was just algae. The chat didn't care.
The Sudden Stillness
Every engine, phone, and speaker on the lake simultaneously died for exactly 11 minutes. The crew had already been streaming. What followed was a whispered, candlelit ghost story session that peaked at 19,000 viewers. Engineers never figured out the cause. The crew calls it "the pause."
Stay Ready. Stay Chaotic.
The next Alternative Reality Marketing Event could happen at any moment. The lake does not send calendar invites. Follow us on social media and keep notifications loud.